I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
