Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
