i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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