I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
