OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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