She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
