I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Randomize
