My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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