Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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