My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
