i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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