just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
