If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
