is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
