I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
