i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Semen is not good for contacts.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize
