p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
