Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
