Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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