Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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