I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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