community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
