you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
