I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
