I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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