drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
It was like getting head from an anaconda
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
