I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
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