it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
You're like the curious george of whores
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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