We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
