with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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