cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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