Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
