I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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