Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
