Well apparently he's into motor boating.
honey bunches of taint.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
