That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
