I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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