and she was petting her beer can
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
