she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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