If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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