do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
