dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
