I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
