I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
from now on my penis is your penis
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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