I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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