I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
