Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Randomize
