i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Randomize
