I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
You smell like stripper and shame
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I love having hate sex.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
