I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
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