and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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